I've spent so much
Time and energy
Trying to figure this out
On my own -
I think it's about time
You gave me some answers.
So what do you say?
How about you and I
Together
Contemplate -
If you will, a little
Friendly debate
Over why I am
So worthy of
Your hate.
Was it that
I refused to
Ingratiate?
Or to fall
Prostrate
Under your weight
And let you
Debilitate?
Did it enrage you
That I couldn't
Share his fate?
No, me you couldn't possibly
Castrate -
Emasculate?
Was it the master plan
That you took pains to
Formulate -
That I had to go and
Complicate?
While the others
Were so willing to
Cooperate -
I alone
Dared to
Deviate.
Or maybe it was
My unique ability -
Most likely innate -
To penetrate,
To see past every time
You didn't talk straight.
To see past every time you'd
Circumnavigate
Equivocate
Insinuate
Manipulate
And yes,
Even fabricate.
Well, don't you have anything to say?
Are you at a loss for words -
For once?
Don't you realize that
You owe me answers?
Wasn't it you who chose
To procreate -
Or at least
Copulate?
And wasn't it me
Who started off with
A clean slate?
But it's too late.
Why do I even bother
To ruminate,
Knowing full well
That not a thing
I say to you
Will reverberate
Or resonate.
That when you're
Faced with truth
All you can do
With it
Is mutilate.
And all I can do
Is face the truth
That I will never
Be able to
Alleviate,
But only tolerate
My fate:
Your hate.
38 comments:
Oy va voy. I hope this isn't about your parents. It's an awesome post though.
Amazing, the longest one yet and the hardest one to decipher.
Is it directed at 'a father'?
Dizzying emotions.....Deep....Angry..Intense..
I'm going to need some time to delve into this one.
I do have say..while reading it...I could hear Eminems voice singing these lyrics..in the background..lol
Fancy - Thank you.
NB - You could say that :)
Prag - Thanks. I think the poem itself narrows it down to just a couple of possibilities.
David - I can't believe you said that about Eminem. While I was writing this, I kept feeling that Eminem vibe - even though I don't listen to his music, but have only heard bits of it here and there.
Are you serious...?
That is weird...
Oh my, Genendy... I don't even know how to react to this... Hate is a very strong word. Are you sure you are the recipient of hate? You may feel hated and that can be devestating. Did you ever consider seeing someone to help you with the anger?
This poem is a mystery... and I doubt you want to share details but it does have me puzzled. The bottom line is I hope you are ok... and if you need any form of support you can contact me. Your writing continues to be amazing, you are quite talented.
very well written.
your emotions are screaming off the page. remember one thing, whoever this guy is. He is the issue, not you.
David - Often, I wish I could read the poems to whoever reads my blog because I don't trust that they'll read it 'right', but after you made the Eminem comment, I saw that I *can* trust. :)
FG - Thank you for your kind words and your caring offer of support. The poem is very intense because it has many raw emotions - ones that I've never written about before. But I don't dwell on this stuff all day. As a matter of fact, ironically, while I was writing this, the subject of this poem called me, and over the phone, I'm sure couldn't tell in the least that I was in the midst of tearing them apart :). Anyway, thanks again. It's good to know there's someone who cares.
Idealist - Thank you. BTW, you know, it might not be a guy. :)
Beautiful paom, for a moment there I started singing/reading it in Rap..
it speaks many emotions.
BG - Thank you, and welcome to my blog :)
Genendy..
What an interesting concept..A poetry reading by you..
Ok. We have to figure out the logistics :-)
Forget the logistics - first we have to worry about my stage fright!
You are so talented. I feel pumped just reading it!
Wow, thank you Stacey.
stage fright..before us?...
It'll be a very limited audience..
David - Truth is, since I wrote this poem, I've been seriously considering becoming a rapper, so I guess I better start getting used to performing before an audience.
LOL...Ok. First thing u have to do is come up with a Ghetto name..
Genendy wont work..
David - Really? I thought Genendy has a real gangsta ring to it. Any better suggestions?
Pinke-budgies - Huh?
Pinke..I know all the psychologists in Lakewood..so ur exposing urself..but I cannot imagine anyone of them asking their wives to ask her that..
Pink, what's a Physocolgist?
Maybe that would explain the rape connection.
Pink Budgies:
If you are going to ask Genendy such a f**ked up question you should have done so in private, no wonder your married to a psychologist, how many times a week do you get evaluated by him?
David, Captain & Begreatfull - I appreciate you taking offense at Budgie's comment. I've seen her inappropriate comments on other blogs as well, and it's obvious that the one she left here was not done out of genuine concern. I think we'd do best to just ignore her juvenile antics.
Great poem!
Do you have email?
pink:
I think the question was aimed at your self.. sorry that im being harsh i just don't think even if this is the case here, for you to ask such a question of what seems to be of a young woman here, I dont know for sure, but I assume genedy is younger, and your private bizness what you do with your husband should be between you and him, I HONESTLY DONT CARE TO KNOW DETAILS OF YOUR SEX LIFE..
Pink:
"you are missing the point. HERE is exactly the place to talk in the open, otherwise we might as well give our full names and addresses and live the same life we really live. THIS is the place where evrything goes and you interact with people and you can open up fully with out feeling restricted. Am i wrong?"
Yes-for someone who does not have a place to speak there mind freely it is very nice to have a place like this to not feel restricted and be fully open and expressing there thoughts and feelings,
I Happen to have the same freedom in my life in real than on line, of course not everyone is that furtunate.
the only reason i don't put my name or address up here, is not to get some lunatic harrsing me and my kids,
i'm pretty free to be my self and I'm very open to anyone who knows me.
unless if i would say things that can hurt there feelings or do harm to them. having integrity does not have to go out the window beacuse you can speak freely its shows character and self respect, you might want to evaluate certian things you say even here on line, or the questions you ask, Its not about just about being free to speak, the fact that you have the freedom to speak doesn't make it right to ask someone questions like this in a open blog. again its your choice how you wan't to come across and what you say, I just felt it was out of line.
and like you said everyone can say what they want. so i did. again I don't mean to argue with you I'm just voicing my opinion.
Wow...where is this converation going?
Pink- I'll never look at another lady in Bagel Nosh..the same
LOL
BG - I am grateful to you for taking offense on my behalf, but please don't let Pink get you upset. Besides for that you have enough to deal with on your blog, she's just not worth it. The more she talks, the more 'off' she sounds. Hope you have/had a peaceful, relaxing shabbos :)
David - I hope you won't lose any sleep trying to figure out which Lakewood psychologist's wife Pink is. Chances are she lied about where she lives or what her husband's profession is - or both.
genendy:
Trust me I didn't loose any sleep on this ;-)
Have a wonderful shabbes. Keep on writing beautiful poams, I enjoy reading them.
Thanks BG :)
gorgeous poem.
Wooooooooooo quite raging with emotion. Beautifully written wonder who it's about.
Oh my! That is about all I can say. Very angry and yet strong.
I have a couple ex boyfriends I'd love to send it to, but why dig up soiled past? Besides they'd probably send it right back.
SWFM - yeah, I guess it is :) Thanks.
Bonnie - It's a funny thing. Most people thought it was about some kind of romantic relationship gone bad, but that's not at all what it's about. It's intersting because when I wrote it, I thought people would more or less be able to guess who it's about, or at least narrow it down to a couple of people. How naive of me.
No I didn't think it was about a romantic relationship-- more like one between a close family member.
Parents=-- or even a brother or sister or even a crazy aunt-- I could totally be wrong. I have another idea, but i think I am way way off the mark so I'll keep it to myself.
You see when I read it I reflected it upon myself because it brought up emotions and memories of my own. When I read poetry, this often happens. Because I don't know the story behind the poem, I draw upon myself. And i could totally see myself saying those things to this *********
Well, the other idea must be off, because you already named the subject before that. :)
I thought it was way off base-- sometimes I over analyze
I think I could send this poem out with my holiday greeting cards:) HEHEHEHE
pink is right. as a therapist i see between the lines of most of genendy's poems. they scream, i wish i was raped
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